My 'Pendix Almost 'Sploded!

Woke up Thursday morning feeling like a baby alien was going to rip through my stomach. After a failed attempt at puking and poopin' I crawled back into bed for an hour of moaning and shivering. Maureen came over and drug me to the hospital where, after seven hours, they ripped my appendix out. Twenty-four hours, a catheter, some crappy food and a shitload of morphine later, they told me to hit the bricks. Spent the last few days relaxing, but I wanted to throw a couple phone photos from the excursion. (Photos: Maureen Pandos)

The Tap

This Is Were The Good Stuff Comes From

Every Ten Minutes!

Them Euros Got It Right

For over a year my car (that I call "Ferrari Red") sat in the exact same spot in front of the house. Just kickin' it. I liked to think of it as my own personal weather channel. If I looked out the window and it was wet I knew it was raining. If it was dry, it wasn't. You get the point. She was always there, a spare "doughnut" tire on the back, one flat in the front, moss growing out of the windshield wipers and a square of random wind-blown trash and leaves around it from where the street sweeper couldn't reach—then those assholes stole Maureen's truck.
I had to get her back on the road, so I charged up the battery, fixed the tires, scraped off the moss and Ferrari Red was back on the road. Maureen's truck was found a week later, but Red is still on the road. Why? 'Cause it is become novelty. After getting everywhere via bicycle for a year it's nice to go somewhere without showing up soaking wet or freezing. Oh—and I am lazy as hell. Did I mention that? But I gotta get back on that steel horse, I think the only thing inflating faster than the gas prices is my waist line. I don't know what this has to do with the photo, or the title for that matter. Maybe 'cause I took the photo in Europe and it's of bikes... I need to ride mine... Wrap it up Chris, wrap it up...

Two Things I've Been Missing

1) Jewsus: This sonabitch moved down to San Diego and I've been missing him ever since. Heart of gold and a liver of steel. He shacked up with one the best women on the west coast, so I'm happy for 'em, but I'm counting the days till he moves back to Portland.
2) The Hungry Tiger: Sure there is a handful of other bars in the 'hood, but nothing close to what the Tiger was. Dark, smokey, cramped, awful service, shady food, and a group of mid-60's regulars that made my shitty attitude seem like puppies breath. Oh, and don't try to give me any of that "There is the Hungry Tiger Too" bullshit, it ain't the same. With it's comfortable seating and functioning bathroom—pfft! No way. Not this guy.

Summer: Bring It The Fuck On!

Man this cold is for the fucking birds. I want summer and want it now. Summer is the whole reason for living in this damn rain bucket of a town. We are almost into May and it's feels like a meat locker with a water main leak out there. I want to be sitting in a inner-tube floating down a river, not wrapped in a down blanket, warming my hands off the TV.
Look at how happy Sherman is in this photo. Crushing beers, smoking heaters, letting in the U.V. rays, you know—living the good life. I can't wait.

Seoul Man

South Korea is a magical, mystical land with centuries of tradition and culture. Well,l at least it was until Uncle Sam tamed those savages. Just to make sure they could make it back on their feet after the Korean war, we set up an Military base smack in the middle of Seoul, that is still there today. Fifty-five fucking years later. But don't worry they love us over there, what's not to love? I mean besides the fact there is so many sexual assaults by military personnel that we weren't let into more then half the bars we tried. But hey, that's the price you pay for freedom.
This shot was taken at Phoenix Park ski resort in the Gangwon Province. When traveling overseas I am alway a little gun shy about the food.Don't get me wrong, I am all about trying new things but you never know when all you are going to get is a raw egg, boiled bacon and fisheye sandwich or a bowl of still moving octopus. So needless to say I was more than a little shook heading into the middle of nowhere South Korea were the chances of coming across monkey testicle soup was more than possible. My bag was so packed with instant oatmeal and Tiger bars that the zipper was about to burst. Lucky for me the base of the resort had all these amazing Korean restaurants there was one called, I hope I am saying this right, um... Pop... Popeyes? Yeah that's it. They had this dish called "fried chicken" it was amazing. Then right next to it was a joint called Dominos that served "pizza," wild stuff. If you ever get the chance, I recommend them both.
God damn America ruining everything.

I Broke The Internet

Damn thing won't let me put up a photo, it's too bad for you because it was this awesome photo of George W. Bush having sex with Osama Bin Laden while Paris Hilton fingerbangs Carl Rove. Oh yeah, and if you look at and say "Candyman" three times—five million dollars automatically appears in your bank account! But, I can only be posted between 2:30 and 2:32 pm on whatever today is... so... yeah...

Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent Ya!

One of the great things about being on the road is seeing all the places and things you dreamed about when you were growing up. This was a big one for me, the truck stop from Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Rumor has it the guy who built these has a half dozen more hiddden in the desert somewhere. I really fucking hope so, 'cause these ones have shit the bed. When I first lay eyes on these bad-boys it was everything the 14-year-old in me wanted to see. A gigantic concrete dino that you can crawl inside of, I instantly started looking for Simon so we could go watch the sunrise through the man eaters mouth. What I found inside was about 180 degrees from that.
At first you think that you walked into a gift shop. Every piece of dinosur related crap you can think of, all the way down to the T-Rex head-on-a-stick-grabbermajob. You know what I'm talking about, the thing with the trigger on the bottom that makes the mouth move and as soon as you pick it up you make it bite your buddy in the nuts. Yeah, that thing. Anyway. Once you look closer it becomes aparent that it is all a big Christian brainwashing scam. The books are all about how the dinosaurs are a lie and the videos playing everywhere tell all the poor kids that walk in the door that the earth is only a couple thousand years old. After all those years, it was a like punching 14-year-old me straight in the ballbag. Now I know what Pee-Wee felt like when he found out there was no basement in the Alamo...

Screaming For Vengance

(note: I didn't plan for the story, but I felt the need to add photo of Phil cause I had it) There is a amazing story behind this photo, I wish I wasn't so lazy. I'll give you the Cliff-Notes version. Went to San Pedro to meet up with my good friends Mike Burnett, Ultimate Phil, Jasin X, and El Beardo for a skate-filled Thanksgiving. After shredding a few pools and the park under the bridge it was off to belly up to the bar. After being kicked out of two seperate bars due to Ultimate's chaffing clothes we ended up at a real shit hole.The name of the bar escapes me, but it was one of Bukowski's favorite haunts. The beauty of a place like San Pedro is there is no hipsters to ruin spots like this one. This guy liked to drink as much as we did that night so he became our instant friend. Seconds before this photo was taken I knocked a beer onto my camera, so when this guy started screaming Judas Priest songs at the top of his lungs I had to pry the lense cover open with my fingernail to get the shot, thus the vinyeting. The rest of the night included Jasin accidentally pile drivering Beardo's sister-in-law, which resulted in her face looking like Rocky Dennis from the movie Mask, then humping her on the floor next to me and Jasin's buddy Zach making it half way home before crawling into a random house and falling asleep on the floor, only to wake up the next morning to try and roll over the 300 pound mexican gangster on the couch to stop him from snoring. Good times, good times.

More Argentina

Mendoza, Argentina

I had to Google a map of Argentina to remember where I took this photo. Not because I have been all over the country but because I am that brain dead. I found a couple more from this trip but it is to damn nice outside to sit around and scan shit. If you need to find me, I'll be Q'ing.

It's art—you wouldn't get it...

Sleepytime...

Been going through photos all day, my eyeballs feel like microwaved rasins. I'm out. A little something I found on a roll from my half-frame.

This Is Big Business..

This business of blogging is really taken off over the last couple of years, Neir told me about one of his buddies that makes a living off a Blog about a paint ball gun. So I figure, I'll throw up a couple photos here and there, then just start cashing checks. That is, until I can afford someone one else to cash them for me. Man, I can't wait to buy a gold plated, ruby encrusted Porsche. Then I am going to stop talking to all of my old "friends" and start wearing thousand dollar jeans with pre-worn holes and shit...